FOMO ?

Finally writing here for the first time . yippee!! Not a big deal though but I always wanted to create a space where I can write my thoughts , weird scary thoughts .So shall we begin ?😌 bear with my rant.

Things are getting difficult ,like really hard although its just my perspective ..... there is this constant unsatisfaction that I feel these days , never is there a moment where I feel really happy from inside , whenever I go out of the house , I feel like leaving to some place far away , doing all sorts of stuff to survive , living life as if I only need just some food to keep my body moving , that's too early to be thinking like this , I mean nothing has happened yet in my life , anyways I can't suppress these thoughts , I try to but I cannot ,I give up easily these days ,you know , even on small trivial things, like if I wish to wake up at 7 in the morning , and somehow get up at 10.30(a lottt of margin I know) , I GIVE UP ... I tell myself that its way past that time now what's the point of getting up and I give up and I sleep more , its like I'm showing my ego to myself , sounds stupid , but that really affects my whole day , as the day itself starts with guilt .

The more I become active on places like X and LinkedIN , the more fearsome I get about the future , like there are sooo many people much better than me , way much better , how would I possibly go pass them , there is so much I want to do , but these thoughts , these thoughts of being way behind others , this lack of confidence holds me back a lot , I want to overcome this weakness, I am trying , I then try to think things practically , make myself understand , but still this haunts me , and since this is the 6th semester I'm even more tensed .Sometimes , I feel like I chose the wrong profession maybe , but what else I would ever do ? pursue music ? I am not even talented in that , and how can I possibly start at 19 for it , there too so many would be ahead of me , its like wherever I go I get in this situation of not having a headstart lol , anyways , I am trying now , its not just music that I love , when I think back , lil Mohini always wanted to become everything , a teacher because I wanted to teach others like how I wanted to be taught , a doctor because I wanted to help people , I was interested in science because it never required cramming , I love sports too (though never got an opportunity to try much) as it gives so much thrill , I love dancing and music and ofcourse I alays wanted to know everything about computers.

And here I am ended up pursuing a B.tech. degree , but I followed the rat race , I kinda still am but I want to change that ...let's see if I can make it , let's see if I can come out of this fear of bring less than every person on this earth ..let's see ...I think many people like me who were really good , the toppers in their school days end up like this , you know , they have this mindset that everyone would judge them if they score low , or know less , these people like me then shell themselves up for the rest of the time , like the recession in an economy , then some go to the recovery phase , I guess I am in that phase , hope I will come out of that phase next year ...

wrote too much !!